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Case Study 808
Hi, I previously wrote #785 and now I'm back again. About 2 1/2 weeks ago, I attempted suicide. Monday morning, instead of going to work, I took a bunch of pills. Luckily I changed my mind and told my boyfriend who was at home with me. After getting me to puke we went to the ER where I just barely made it before falling into oblivion for the next 30 hours. If you're depression makes you feel guilty now, try to imagine how it feels once you've attempted to kill yourself and put your family and friends through all that turmoil. I feel this guilt like a huge weight on me now and I think it will be here for a while. I'm lucky I didn't do any permanent damage to my body (at least, none that I'm aware of). I'm lucky that I'm alive! The weirdest thing for me is figuring out why this time? I've been in that place so many times before, wanting to end it, and always managed to not do it. How is it that this time I managed to follow through? Except then I changed my mind after I did it! I guess what I want to say is that I think we'd all truly like to just be happier and enjoy our lives. And don't you think that could be possible? Isn't there the tiniest something inside you that wants to believe it's possible? Yes it's going to take an incredible amount of work and dedication but I think it's worth all that if you're able to make your life better. I used to tell myself that I would not go the suicide route until I had tried my hardest. I broke my own rule--I barely tried at all before deciding it was all too much to bear. STUPID! For 10 years now I've been severely depressed and I am finally going to really try and do something about it. I hope you all can/will do the same.
R
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