| Home > Case Studies > Case Study 849 |
Case Study 849
I've suffered from major depression for over 15 years now and there still seems to be no real way out. I had a very difficult time as a teenager and didn't really know how to make friends in the way that I saw others doing. I've always been an introvert and for this reason I think most people find me a difficult person to understand. As a child I would often be living in some science-fiction fantasy dreaming about the future and building models out of lego. I've been bullied on numerous occasions during school, college and university and for this reason I can't hold down a job, get a girlfriend or meet a group of friends who I can socialise with.
Between the ages of 15 and 16 I was trying to fit in with the in-crowd at school and started drinking and smoking cannabis regularly. A few months after finishing school I decided to take some LSD with a friend and this single trip turned out to be the most horrific experience of my entire life. A few weeks after my encounter with acid I suffered a complete breakdown and was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. At the time I had faith in psychiatry and the drugs that they were prescribing and hoped they would alleviate my constant state of terror. However, nothing worked! Except for maybe the occasional large dose of Valium. The psychiatrists described my case as 'complex' which wasn't what I wanted to hear. Eventually I was released as an outpatient and a combination of Prozac and a Depot injection seemed to be sufficient enough for me to cope with the symptoms.
In spite of being able to cope over the years I feel I have not really progressed in any tangible way. I have low self-esteem and still feel as though I'm in a different world to everyone else around me. The title for this site, 'The Glass Belljar' is quite an accurate description of the depersonalisation & derealisation that I often suffer from. I always have an underlying feeling of discomfort and regardless of relaxation & deep breathing exercises a feeling of inner tension always exists. From what I have read this appears to resemble the symptoms of akathisia brought on by long-term use of neuroleptic drugs but this would now be impossible due to the fact that I haven't been on any of these medicines for over 8 years.
I take 225mg of Venlafaxine daily and while it seems to keep me from hitting a rock bottom I've never managed to pull myself out of the chasm I fell into all those years ago. I tend to get extremely angry towards injustices that I see people causing and have massive resentments about hurts from the past while at the same time feeling quite small and powerless to do anything about them. It hurts me deeply when I see bad people experiencing good health, wealth, and happiness. Nothing in life seems fair and as a result of that I perceive it all as a zero sum game. Any measure of success seems to come at the expense of a loss to someone else. I don't want to be a part of this game anymore, it causes nothing but pain!
Steve
You can add your own Comment about this Case Study.
Write your own Case Study
If you wish to write a Case Study of your own (less than 500 words, please), feel free to do so.
All postings are anonymous; we don't require e-mail addresses or any other personal details. People can reply to your case studies directly on this site, but if you want readers to be able to reply to your case study personally, just include your e-mail address in the text you submit.
Cut and paste your text into the form below and click on the 'submit' button (just once). Submitted texts may be edited for brevity and readability. We reserve the right to exclude texts at our discretion.
Please note that all content submitted by users is reviewed by the webmaster before going live, to prevent spam and abusive messages.
(All user-submitted text is checked before being put live, to prevent spam messages.)
Latest updates to this site
Depression Case Study 865: Three years ago my partner was in an awful accident at work with an head injury since then ...
Comment about Case Study 17: I have also suffered with depression but as the above have said sometimes you cannot recognise it. ...
Advice text 213: Write inspirational quotes on sticky notes and stick them onto your bedroom wall, especially where you can read ...
Creative work 360: A heavenly place I floated blissfully In a heavenly place A paradise garden With pearly gates Flowers were ...
© Unusual Publishing Ltd 1999-2010. Have we helped you? Then please help us! Important note: The information carried on this site relates to the direct experience of depression sufferers and is not intended as a medical guide. Nothing on this site can replace the supervision and advice of a good doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist. Anyone suffering from depression should see their doctor immediately and regularly. Legal/privacy statement. Validate.