| Home > Case Studies > Case Study 851 |
Case Study 851
My life is pointless. I hate it. It could be worse, I know. I constantly live with the guilt of knowing how awful others lives are. Having travelled in North Africa, I have seen poverty in the extremes. However, in that part of the world, there does seem to be a wider sense of care for the fellow human being.
This is my life. I wake up at roughly 4am. I drag myself out of bed, feed the cat, recover from the cramps caused by laxative abuse.I get dressed by about 6ish. I walk the dog, hoping no one else is around outside that might see me.
I get in, have a shower, dry my hair.I take my medication. Then, I sit. And keep sitting. I do nothing. I often feel my lip wobble, or tears sneaking out of my eyes. I stop that, since I hate crying;it's so ugly.This morning, I eventually cleared up the paper work that had accumulated in front of the sofa over the past week or so.I buy things online, in the vain hope that if I get that it`ll somehow make life better. This is'nt always things for myself. I buy out of my budget gifts for my nephew, sister and mother.
While I sit, I have flashbacks of the rape I lived with from birth to seventeen. I have flashbacks of the 'treatment' I recieved in psychiatric care.
I occasionally catch sight of myself in the mirror. I hate those moments. I am so disgusting.
I saw my Psychiatrist every day for my 15 minutes. She's wasting her precious time with me. I`ve been doomed since birth. I wish so much that I had'nt been rescusitated when I died when I was 17. I think that maybe if I had died, my brother would'nt have commited suicide when he was 17 (he was 9 years younger than me).
I am supposed to babysit my one year old nephew today. How can I? I adore him, but I hate the thought of letting my mask slip and crumbling into a mess of tears when he's reliant on me.
I have PTSD, Anorexia and Depression. These have been there for as long as I can remember. I am 28 now, and have been in 'treatment' since I was 11.
What`s the point?
Elle
There is 1 comment about this Case Study.
Write your own Case Study
If you wish to write a Case Study of your own (less than 500 words, please), feel free to do so.
All postings are anonymous; we don't require e-mail addresses or any other personal details. People can reply to your case studies directly on this site, but if you want readers to be able to reply to your case study personally, just include your e-mail address in the text you submit.
Cut and paste your text into the form below and click on the 'submit' button (just once). Submitted texts may be edited for brevity and readability. We reserve the right to exclude texts at our discretion.
Please note that all content submitted by users is reviewed by the webmaster before going live, to prevent spam and abusive messages.
(All user-submitted text is checked before being put live, to prevent spam messages.)
Latest updates to this site
Depression Case Study 865: Three years ago my partner was in an awful accident at work with an head injury since then ...
Comment about Case Study 17: I have also suffered with depression but as the above have said sometimes you cannot recognise it. ...
Advice text 213: Write inspirational quotes on sticky notes and stick them onto your bedroom wall, especially where you can read ...
Creative work 360: A heavenly place I floated blissfully In a heavenly place A paradise garden With pearly gates Flowers were ...
© Unusual Publishing Ltd 1999-2010. Have we helped you? Then please help us! Important note: The information carried on this site relates to the direct experience of depression sufferers and is not intended as a medical guide. Nothing on this site can replace the supervision and advice of a good doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist. Anyone suffering from depression should see their doctor immediately and regularly. Legal/privacy statement. Validate.