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Case Study 858
hi. I need to write this to get things out of my system. I stumbled across this site and its great. I feel privileged to have read so many thoughts and feelings so open and heart felt.
my depression started after I lost my baby 5 years ago. I didnt know I was depressed for a long time. I always felt like something was wrong but didnt know what. I felt numb all the time I just thought things would get better. they didnt and still havent. I have also had two breast cancer scares, close relatives dying and work and money problems. my husband is great and so are my family and two sons who I adore but they dont fully understand me. I dont tell people how I really feel though. I find it difficult to trust people with what I want to say.
i have tried to take my life a few times, after one attempt I was on a ventilator for a few weeks after having had a cardiac arrest due to an overdose. I dont remember any of it. I dont even remember doing it. I just remember the hallucinations! not much else. my psychiatrist told me to go away and put everything back in the box. she stopped seeing me for a while. I am due to go see her later. I dont know what to do or say. I am scared, want help but dont know how to. I just want to stop breathing. whats the point. who cares, I hate myself. I hate living. its too painful. id be better of dead so I dont cause anyone any more misery. the guilt I feel is unbearable. im not me anymore. nothing will ever be the same.
dolphin
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