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Creative Work 241
LOST INNOCENCE
The road whorled like a serpent.The curtain of dawn was falling over the day's events.My eyes were pivoted on the huge rock on the top of the hill,the permanent milestone for all my evening walks.The cold evening breeze tottered along with me,giving me reliable company.
The sky was a mosaic of colours.Grey clouds dispersed between patches ofBlue and red along with dapples of gold.With every step I took,the hill seemed steeper.I dragged myself on.My mind traced the panorama of events I had walked through.Every event that flashed was unique, each adding its own colour and beauty to the happenings just as the colors of this evening sky .Painted together made an even beautiful whole.
Then there were the grey clouds that pierced through the colourful happenings ...moments of regret ...??of pain..?
Every look at those black patches made them look bigger.Reflections of those small incidents in my life,the moments of despair,frustration and regret that had kissed my life in the yesterdays.The frustrations reminded me of the overpowering ego that sometimes conquers and rules the invincible self.The moments of despair reflected my expectations that transgressed beyond.Regrets evoke in me the reality that I am sometimes a helpless soul, confounded by emotion and intellect ,dangling , a mere puppet in the hands of destiny.
The sky turned purple and dissolved into darkness and I lost myself in it.
My mind like the dark firamament above was starting to paint itself grey.
I continued my journey up the hill,the rock on top was no longer visible in the brooding darkness.The street lights cast their long shadows on the road in the process also wetting my path with their faint yellow light.
Suddenly as I turned to my right,I found a small boy by my side.As the street light fell on his face,I saw the infectious smile that played on his lips.At the speed at which I was walking,he had to run to keep me company.But he was bustling with enthusiasm,and sometimes made me forget that my legs were giving way.
I gave him a smile and asked him.."You seem to be very happy..Why??" ."Why shouldnt I be??"his face seemed to say.I gave him a sarcastic smile that probably said "You have just started your life,my son,You are yet to know the harsh realities that make this life."
"Do you know,that life is not all that easy,and that u cant keep smiling as you are doing now??"I queried.The smile on his face grew wider,and he kept running ,as though my words had hardly reached his ears.
I dont know what was happening to me in his presence,but I was starting to blurt out my mind.
"You know..Human Beings are by nature selfish.And many a times your self esteem and dreams are trampled over by insensitive minds that cannot see a world beyond theirs.Every person here is involved in a mad race,a race to satisfy ones ego with every step that is taken."
The wind carried my voice to every place except for the boys ears.He was singing a rhyme as he happily ran up the hill ,and it fell to my ears thus
"Twinkle twinkle little star..How I wonder..what (ALL) u want???"!!
He was enjoying every moment without involving himself with my emotional upheavals.Once in a while he would stop to pluck a flower or two along the way,and he would say with the most innocent of the smiles"For my friends.."
Undettered by his indifference for my words,I continued my lament.
"You know one must never be emotionally attached to any person or thing..Attachment breeds expectations,expectations leads to over-expectations and finally ends in frustrations and pain."
I continued to realise that my words were reaching deaf years,and that the boy was fully absorbed in the totality of the moment.In his zig zag run,.he would sometimes bump into me and flashing that naughty infectious smile ,he would continue running.
"The boy smiled and smiled from his heart;
Brought out an innocent smile from my part,
Have I smiled similarly ever before,
No trickery,no lies,All innocence to the fore ??"
My smile only did little to wither away the storm that was brewing in my heart.However hard I tried to think of something else,my mind like a cyclone swirled and swirled but came back to the same point..my frustrations..my pains..uh...
His singing of rhymes continued,and fell on my ears thus
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall(of expectations ???)
Humpty dumpty had a great fall!!!"
I was starting to lose my temper..Who do u think I am talking to..these trees???" I yelled out at him.The happy go lucky boy seemed to not have heard it.
My legs had traversed a fair distance and though I could not see the rock in the pitch darkness,my mind told me that I was getting closer to my destination.
I shook my head in frustration ,and with a smile that defied the mood,I cried out"Oh God,I am living this life all wrong!!!"
We were nearing the top of the hill,and the rock I had set out to reach was now slowly becoming visible.I slowed down my steps,but he boy kept running,and before I could realise,he was slowly dissolving himself into the darkness that lay ahead of me.I Called out to him.."You dint tell me anything about yourself..Whats your name??How old are you???"
A cute little voice yelled back from the dark.."Dint you realise??I am Ravikumar..and I am 6 years old!!!"
As I started my journey down the hill,I could not help but smile to myself.."Now I knew where I was going wrong"!!
Ravikumar.H
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