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Creative Work 262
My life has been turned upside down, I have suffered from post natal depression when I had my first child, I was unware of any of the feeling of depression until it hit me about 10 days after having her, it took me months to recover with the help of prozac and the mental health team, I had support from my family and this was really helpful, I thought I was never going to get better because that's what the depression tells you, but with time I became better and felt normal again, I came off my medication 2 years ago, and I was coping nothing bothered me and I enjoyed life, but I have recently undergone cosmetic surgery and have also has trouble at work, all of this I think has built up over a period of time and I keep thinking that my surgery and the stress of work have caused this but that's the depression telling me that because we are constanly searching for answers because we don't know why this is happening to us. my friends and family tell me that it may have contributed to it but there must have been an underlying depression there anyway, my gp thinks the same.I then recoginsed the signs of the depression coming back, so I went to see my gp who put me back onto my prozac and I feel that I am back at square one again, although the situtaion is not the same the feelings are the same, so here we go again back on prozac and back to the mental health team I am starting all over again. It seems very hard but in some ways its easier because I recogise the feelings and can try and control them better, I have support again from my family and husband and I focus on my beauiful daughter and say that I must beat this for her because she needs her mummy. I have only been taking my prozac for 12 days and everyday is a struggle I am finding it very difficult to cope so I come to see my dad as he helps me to eat because I don't have the desire to but this is the depression telling me not to eat so that it can get hold of me, so I am forcing myself to eat because if I eat it gives me the mental strengh to fight this. I am worse in the mornings and wake a 5am which is out of character for me but I know it won't be for long everyday I am a little step closer to beating this and getting my life back, there has been times when I think I should give up but again that is the depression, it is a horrible thing, it difficult to explain to someone how it feels, if they haven't experienced it, how can they possibly understand!!!!! but we must give ourselves time to recover from this terrible illness, I keep telling myself I can beat this and to stay calm it won't last forever. I find that listening to meditations tapes in the evening helps me to relax and get to sleep, I seem to be able to cope at home in the evening when my husband and daughter are home, I am currently off work because of my illness but work in the drug and alcohol filed I think this has also had an impact on my depression because I hear everyone's else problems and see them depressed, so once I am well I am going to find a new job, At times the medication makes me feel sereal and that I am not living in the present but stuck in a time warp its a strange feeling, I am always asking my friends and family "why won't it go" " will I get better" and I'm sure many of you ask the same questions. I would like to hear from anybody who feels the same and have any suggestions that have helped you beat depression, I often think I am tired of fighting it but I must keep going because I have been through much worse with my post natal depression and I got through that, I often feel alone and that I am the only person with this illness and feel that people know that I am depressed and I think they are watching me; I am normally a happy bubbly person full of life but at the moment I have had a little relapse and feel that I have this demon inside me who won't let me go, this demon is "depression" but with time, help and positive thoughts I will beat this. It is still early days and I must give the medication chance to work, I have had a few sessions of Time line Therapy which really helped at the time but when the mornings came it felt that I was back at square one, I suppose over a period of time the therapy will work but again everything is in the first stages. If anyone feels that they have the same feelings and want to talk to me please email me at stumpy-steve1955@aol.com by talking to other people this can in its self be a great help, and I hope the next time I come on line I have progressed and have a more positive outcome. Thank you for listening
Natasha's Story
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